THERE'S NO SORRY IN POKER

By: Kent Anderson

I'm going to scratch an itch this morning. I'm annoyed, maybe even appalled by the sorry state of affairs in America. Everywhere I turn someone or something is sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. A guy blasts through the elevator door, Sorry. The kitchen blows your order and the waitress is, Sorry. Your flight is cancelled and the airline is, Sorry. A guy calls your all in and busts you on a two outer, Sorry. It's all around us and it's making me sick. I feel like the word is so often used and so rarely meant that it is becoming meaningless; a verbal analgesic that constantly fills in for the truth. Are you really sorry, is anybody really sorry?.

A couple of months ago I was having tremendous success. I was regularly building my initial $100 buy-in to $600, $700 and even as much as $1500 on a few occasions. The problem, and I reckon I'm not alone in this, was that I didn't leave the table with these sums. It was so bad that at one time I didn't even have the two dollars to pay for parking following a soul crushing collapse.

Elevators weren't black holes last I checked. Both light and people emerge from them so expects some on coming traffic and save us a sorry or two. We both know this island of beef encircled by a sea of blood is not medium, so just throw it back on the fire. If you were truly sorry you'd comp the next round of drinks. The only sorry I want to hear from airline personnel is that my flight is overbooked and they're sorry to have to put me in first class. Barring that urban legend that seems routine in TV and film, just tell me the truth; you screwed up, it's my problem and you really don't give a damn.

You are a lot of things after that horrible hand. Lucky, that 4% long shot landed on the river. A terrible player who now has all my checks. But sorry you're not. Don't blow sunshine up my shorts, especially while you're stacking my checks. If you're sorry for winning a pot, you've missed the point entirely. Why are you sitting at the table? If you're not there to win the other player's money, you won't. You just won't, Sorry. The poker table should be a sorry free zone.

Is the prize fighter sorry about his knock out? Does the pitcher regret his no hitter? Does the President feel the need for penitence after electoral "victory"? NO! ... and the victorious poker player should never be sorry either. Let's not head down this road. As poker players we can make a stand. Just don't do it, never apologize for good fortune, blind luck and certainly not for playing well. Instead of devolving down the funnel of emasculated crap aboard this piteous word try a little truth, creativity and finesse.

Some of my favorites are:
"Ouch, that really sucked for you."
"The sun shines on a dog's ass some days."
"Unreal, you just snatched defeat from the jaws of victory."
If you're not feeling particularly inspired there's always that American endangered species, Silence ... a friend that will rarely betray you. Until next time...

About Kent Anderson

Kent Anderson has spent the past year making the rounds at various poker rooms on the West Coast. He started playing poker at a cigar shop in the Belmont Shore section of Long Beach, California in the early nineties. Anderson, who hails from Long Beach, spent his childhood in South Africa before returning to study history at UC Berkeley, where he also rowed crew and was active in the Sigma Nu fraternity.
After punching the corporate clock for several years at Universal and Castle Rock Entertainment working for a feature film producer, he branched out on his own and is developing original film and television projects in addition to honing his poker game. Anderson, also an avid waterman, prolific in sailing and surfing, believes two simple credos: what others think has no material impact on your life unless you let it, and it's more fun to have more fun."